May 25, 2019
  • 12:34 pm Martin Licis Found In Apartment With Illegal Anime Goods
  • 12:33 am Japanese Cat Cafe Undergoes Extensive Examination
  • 8:55 pm AI-Powered Degutter and Meat Grinder Ravage Philadelphia
  • 8:38 am Teenager Helps Local Farmer Create AI-Powered Slaughterhouse
  • 8:52 pm Notre Dame Cathedral Catches Fire After Rave Party

Recently, we bombarded TAMU (Texas A&M University) with death threats, bomb threats, and various other threats to the university’s Board of Regents meeting, taking hostage a couple pregnant women and small children in the process.

TAMU has been leading groundbreaking research on muscular dystrophy, a disease that slowly weakens muscles until total paralysis. It becomes harder to eat, swallow, walk, sit, move, blink, think, feel, see, breath, and maintain cardiovascular health.

However, they’ve been testing on dogs, which is a big no-no, so we decided to scream at them until one of the board members stood up and screamed over the chanting PETA enthusiasts whom were wearing suicide vests, “Fine you fucktards! We will let 30,000 people die excruciating, painful deaths for your stupid dogs! My son will never see the cure and it’s all bec-“

At this point, one of our members accidentally pressed the trigger on their suicide vest and blew up 30% of TAMU, releasing one of their secret hidden underground fortresses containing all of their dogs, allowing them to flee the scene before anybody could notice.


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