May 25, 2019
  • 12:34 pm Martin Licis Found In Apartment With Illegal Anime Goods
  • 12:33 am Japanese Cat Cafe Undergoes Extensive Examination
  • 8:55 pm AI-Powered Degutter and Meat Grinder Ravage Philadelphia
  • 8:38 am Teenager Helps Local Farmer Create AI-Powered Slaughterhouse
  • 8:52 pm Notre Dame Cathedral Catches Fire After Rave Party

PETA was founded by Ezra Peta in 1980.

“So like, now I do speedruns on my YouTube channel ‘xxEzraBxxx’ now,” Ezra says in an interview, “I only did this thing as a joke with some guys from the pub, I didn’t think people would be this serious.”

PETA has been nobel in their efforts, euthanizing 80% of their animals in their animal shelters through mercy killings.

Bob, the engineer who sets up the gas chambers, offered to comment. “We tried the lethal injection, but it wasn’t fast enough. Ezra had this awesome idea to use gas chambers, so we raided a few college labs, remember Virginia Tech? That was us.” he laughs heartily.

PETA supports going vegan. We believe that eating meat is damaging to the environment, which is backed by tons of science.

Bob also doubles as the CEO, COO, and everything else when Ezra is playing Mario Maker.

“On Mondays I serve as the nutritionist, and today is Monday so I can give y’all some tips,” Bob pulls out his phone and begins reading some articles, “I recommend eating 3 cups of peanuts, 2 barrels of wheat, 1 jar of almond butter, 7 cups of soy milk, and exactly 2.4 chicken nuggets each day.”

When our interviewer questioned about PETA boycotting innocent businesses, Ezra did a triple backflip and shoved ten apples into the interviewer’s asshole. “Send him to the Gulag, and destroy that microph-”

—This article was requested by xxEzraBxxx on behalf of PETA.


16 − 3 =