May 25, 2019
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Sean Worthing of Florida was arrested Wednesday by FBI agents tracking an online pedophile going by the name ‘FlrodiaMan’.

Worthing used his fake name to trick law enforcement agents into believing he was not actually in Florida.

“It’s fucking genius. Nobody would just give away their actual location, reverse psychology actually works! Criminals should broadcast their actual location more often.” Worthing tells our interviewer through the bars of the solitary confinement cell, his home for the next 15 minutes until a new crazy person gets caught.

Worthing worked at Pepperidge Farms as a janitor up until his arrest.

Daniel Chadcliffe, the owner of the farm, realized something was wrong.

“All of the ponies started giving birth, even the male ones,” Chadcliffe says, “He truly does work in mysterious ways.”

96% of the male animals in Pepperidge now suffer from ‘mushrooming’, a common side effect of giving birth through the penis. Zoologists have been seen entering the vicinity wearing hazmat suits and donning submachine weapons. Nearby residents have been warned not touch, feed, or stare at the affected animals.

—This article was requested by FlrodiaMan


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