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It was a regular happy Wednesday when Mother Goose was returning to the pond when a farmer on a tractor pulled her over.

“Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

“Because I’m invading your property?”

“No, because I found this little fella,” the farmer produced a tiny baby goose from the back of his tractor, “I thought you might want him back.”

Mother Goose felt annoyed, “are you assuming he’s my child just because we look the same?”

“No ma’am, I just figured he was yours because you’re the only goose in these parts.”

That was the last straw. “Step away from me and stop harassing me, I don’t want him back. If wanted him back I would’ve fucking gone back for him, you altruistic piece of shit!”

Mother Goose clamped down on the farmer’s balls with her beak and promptly called 911.

The farmer, who’s name was not disclosed, is currently in a medically induced coma in Perry County Memorial Hospital, Missouri.

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